I wish there was an easy way to write down how I feel, a way to explain all the heartache I can’t heal. I’m struggling to find myself in a sea of drowning souls, the waves are crashing down around the life I’ve tried to mold. Depression reigns inside of me, its true depths I’ll never know. It seems it didn’t get easier to cope as everyone said it would. Faking it and never making it takes a toll after awhile, some days I can’t be brought to fake as much as a simple smile. Overwhelmed can’t begin to describe the way it feels to know the things I know, and the things I hear when I’m alone. I’ve been screaming out, my words are gone without a sound. Like smoke in the wind, I rise and fall against my will again.
My spirit has been broken, beaten, and battered, the only dreams I seem to remember are ones that end with my brain splattered, my life shattered. The only comprehension I can seem to make is that I’m longing for eternal peace, I’m longing for death. Despite all the effort that I make, all the steps I take, and all of the heartbreak, I’m uncertain as to what it means, what I’ve learned, how I’ve changed. Can someone please tell me which pill I should take to silence the shame? Is there someone who can reroute my fate? Will I ever catch a break? My only option right now is to wait.