Explanation For My Break

I had to take a break from writing, my thoughts have turned blank as I’m trying to figure out how to do what’s best for my daughter. I watch TV shows with families I’d have loved to have, to learn how to be a better parent because I never had a real role model. They think there’s something else wrong with her, my brain isn’t processing things properly. I can’t wrap my mind around why this is all happening to such an innocent child. Our lives are completely out of our control, there’s only so much more I can do for her. I can’t even consider looking for a babysitter because I can barely manage her and I’m her mother. Terrified as I overlook this early head start info packet because she doesn’t know how to interact with others and can’t tolerate strangers regardless of gender. She can’t even tell me what’s causing her pain, although I have a good enough idea, it kills my heart because she’s trying so hard to tell me but doesn’t know how. My heart is breaking for my child, for the life I know I’ll never be able to give her. I wish I had someone to help, a friend who shows up unannounced and knows just how to make me smile, someone who will play with Coraline for awhile. But how am I supposed to make new friends when I never go anywhere without being in a hurry, or being on a mission. I’m drowning in a sea of misery, loneliness, and deceit.

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