It Takes A Village, But I Do It Alone

What do you do when you’re all alone? When you’re struggling to survive, wondering if you’ll ever truly get to love your life, and there’s no one by your side, how are you supposed to stay alive? My child has no one outside of us, a mother and father who care so much, but not one other familiar face, no one to help keep her heart beating pace, someone she knows she can always go to when she has a problem she doesn’t want her parents to know. I want her to know that I’m always here, a mother, a friend, a fan till the end. But I’ve seen enough to know that now it’s too hard for me to keep faking a smile, she needs positivity, guidance, and light, she needs someone else to tuck her in at night when the pain has taken over and I just need a break, someone to stay with her while my husband and I go on a date. I love him so much but I’ve forgotten how to touch or be touched without feeling like I’ll never be enough. I have no desire to be intimate, less to be attractive, and my mind is the only part of me that’s overactive. I’m missing the friends I thought I had, the mother I wish I had, the father that was supposedly bad, and all of those who claimed to care, then disappeared at the sight of a flare. My calls for help remain unanswered, and it seems as though it’ll be this way forever after.

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