Teachable Moments

As the first time mom of an almost three year old girl, I find myself often searching for things in life that give me the opportunity to teach her something, to teach myself something. Life is constantly presenting us with opportunities to learn and better ourselves, but most people fail to see the positivity that can come from even the worst situations. Recently my neighbors made a call to children’s services claiming that my daughter was being neglected. It was without a doubt one of the most difficult things I’ve ever gone through, but in the end, their unsubstantiated claims resulted in the case being closed almost immediately after the intake case worker met my husband and I. I’ve spent the last few weeks since then in complete and total isolation, holding on to this ugly anger and hate, harboring resentment towards their false claims. It’s not easy to rise above the muck when someone has deliberately tried to ruin your entire life, and I’ve really struggled through it, but I think I finally found myself again. I already struggle to trust and open up to others and this has truly set me back in ways I don’t even think have fully manifested yet, but I don’t want to let it happen to me. Does being conscious of your own unraveling thoughts give us the power to redirect them? Why do people throw stones from glass houses? There has been a plethora of domestic violence disputes next door, yet I have stayed quiet in an attempt to not shit where I sleep, so they say. Yet part of me believes that I should have spoken up, that maybe this all happened because she’s afraid to ask for help in her own life, maybe she thought this would motivate me to unveil to the world what’s happening next door, but I have so much on my plate that I just can’t add any more. I’ve been feeling so unlike the person I always thought I was, generally I help everyone before myself, but my daughter deserves more than just my selfless nature, she should be number one and she certainly is, but that doesn’t make it easy necessarily. How does one find balance between who we are, who we wanna be, and who we’re meant to be? I’m learning as I go.

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