Tag Archives: Daily Prompts

My Own Bubble

Over the course of the last decade, I’ve transformed from someone surrounded with what I thought were loyal, caring people, to being utterly alone. As it turned out, none of those people were actually there when it mattered, so one day, I just decided that enough was enough, and said to hell with everyone.

Not exactly an easy decision when you’ve always had friends around you, or so you thought. It seems though that it’s now easier for me to just be with myself, my husband, and my daughter, and shut out the rest of the world. Some would attribute this to my depression, but it’s never been able to drive me this far from who I am.

Perhaps, instead, I’ve simply evolved into some other kind of person, one unrecognizable to myself, yet a person who’s better equipped to stand on their own. This was something I always struggled with, being alone, so I always chose not to be. Now that the option is mine, and while I won’t say it’s ideal, I won’t allow people into my life who don’t make me feel certain that they’re intentions are for the best.

After the ways I’ve been hurt, one of my biggest goals in life is to help steer my daughter away from those who don’t deserve her time, attention, love, and loyalty. Obviously someone will hurt her at some point, but I’ll help her from keeping them around for too long, as that was one of my biggest faults in life.

There’s a part of me that honestly wonders if I’ll ever be able to allow someone in, if I can ever trust someone a friend again, and how I’ll even meet someone is beyond me. My daughter is my life, and most of my time is spent at home with her, or cleaning, or grocery shopping, etc. I’m hopeful that I’ll find someone soon, but I’m not out there searching for you. Maybe you’ll find your way to me, eventually.

Bubble

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Rolling Tide

Life is, at best, a series of curves, a continuous movement through space and time. And as we grow and bend and change, relationships, they mend and break. Evolution is required to make it through these trying times, but it’s not always easy, as with change comes fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of not knowing if you’ll endure the change, or if it’ll make you happy.

But happiness is relative, it’s an option, a choice, at least that’s what we’re told by those with the loudest voice. For me, though, it’s never been clear, whether the choice is even possible, or if it’s all a lie, an unreachable destination, an unachievable goal. And there’s really only one way to find out if that’s true – pursue happiness as if it’s the only thing that’s real.

Tide

Don’t Just Observe

Watch and learn, look and listen, this life we live, it has conditions. But one thing that I feel is neglected – information is taken for granted. Google this, look up that, I’m guilty myself, but it doesn’t change the facts. Knowledge is the richest currency, but college educations rarely serve their purposes.

This institution on which the constitution was intended to enrich, has instead been stripped away, and now it’s meaningless. My generation, we speak so loud, but those who have the power to do something are in doubt. Denial can be the most powerful drug, fueling race wars and inequalities for all.

So don’t wait around for an invitation, let’s do our parts, no matter the reach. For me, I’m a writer, a singer, and a mother, so I’ll write these words and sing a song of peace for my daughter. We can’t allow net worth to dictate how much someone’s worth. That’s not the future I had hoped she’d inherit, so let’s try to make this a better planet.

Observe

Abrupt Abyss

In life, things happen quickly, and without warning. In a blink of an eye, someone can die, never to be seen again. At any moments time, life can pass you by, but unbeknownst to you – the people you think you love the most are fading away from you. It’s not too late, let’s not debate, act hastily, my friends. Appreciate every single little thing that you have, because someone out there would give anything to have just what you have.

Abrupt

Astonish Me

Dazzle me with brilliance, evoke me with your pain. Please just help me feel anything but mundane. I seek and I seek, finding nothing each time, yet I still can’t help but seek some other life. Another time, another place, with another girl, a different face, maybe then I could be great.

I’ve tried and yet I can’t forget the person I’ve become, I’m desperate to remember who I was earlier in life. Once I valued my opinions, heeded my own advice, now all I’m good for is giving it to those who don’t even want it.

I’ve emptied out, a hollow shell, I’m not who I once was. The hardest part is not blaming others, and accepting my own role. It’s just that I’ve been broken so many times before, I can’t find all the pieces, they don’t fit like before.

Astonish

Tragic Tendencies

I tend to care for others before caring to myself, and it’s been so long since I’ve done it that I think I’ve forgotten how. I haven’t put my own self first in far too long, this much I know is true, but family comes first, they’re all I have to keep me alive and motivate me to keep fighting for life.

I’m struggling now to figure out what I should already know, so bare with me as I progress, for sometimes I’m not around. I’m not always reliable, not that I won’t try, but my body gets the best of me, chronic pain keeps me bogged down. My mind, it tends to follow when I’m overwhelmed with pain, so then depressions creeps back in and takes me prisoner again.

I’ll disappear for weeks and months, sometimes it turns to years, but seldom am I ever asked how I’m doing or feeling. Why reach out to others, if they don’t think of you? I think about them often and yet I never hear a word. If you care, as you say, and you think of me as well, then why is it you can’t take time to ask me about myself?

Is it because I’m some small reminder of a past you pretend you never led? Or is it that you can’t be bothered to comfort someone when you can’t understand the pain they’re in, that it’s easier to pretend there’s not people always suffering? Well it’s my life, so forget me or not, I’m stuck living a life you could never handle.

Tend

Ghoulish Schemes

On this night of wickedness

Comes merriment and wonderment,

For people tell their children so.

Stories filled with fright and fun

Are told ’round a campfire,

One by one.

So one by one they build upon

The lies which ancestors spun.

Weaved carefully and carelessly

All at the same time.

But lies are never more than that,

The truth has always won.

For on this cherished night of fall

Evil companions scour the walls.

Ghoulish schemes are hatched

And planned by creatures

We have never seen

Outside of dreams.

So hold you children close tonight,

And check their treats for tricks.

For on this night we should be scared

Of the monsters we say don’t exist.

Ghoulish

Top 10 Fall Marshmallow Fluff Recipes

https://www.tastesoflizzyt.com/fluffernutter-dip/

https://www.somethingswanky.com/smores-cookie-bars/

https://www.sugarandsoul.co/mud-pie-brownies-recipe/

https://cakewhiz.com/smores-crepes/

https://lilluna.com/fluffy-caramel-apple-dip/

https://www.alattefood.com/pumpkin-pie-fluff-dip/

https://www.thebestdessertrecipes.com/Recipes-for-Pies/Impossibly-Fluffy-Marshmallow-Pumpkin-Pie

https://wonkywonderful.com/salted-caramel-pecan-cheesecake-dip/

http://werefarfromnormal.com/2017/05/gooey-delicious-smores-cookies.html

http://thecakeblog.com/2016/12/hot-chocolate-cake.html

Fluff

Never Enough

I try my best to be thankful for the little things I have, but it’s difficult when there’s always something new to bring us down. Money makes the world go round, so they say, I wouldn’t know. But I do know that needing more is stealing my joy and hope. My daughter loves me so, we’re as close as close can be, but because of her own issues, sometimes that’s hard for her to see. Our home is an apartment filled with neighbors who have tried to do everything in their power to get us kicked to the curb.

My husband is my best friend, and for years my only friend. We’ve been to hell and back together, an extremely difficult path. At first it began with us chasing our dreams, and oh did we get close. But now our lives consist of trying to figure out how to support us. We haven’t been alone in well over a year, I’ve never had a babysitter, and our daughter won’t tolerate being alone with strangers. I wish and try to find a way for us to live our lives to the most, instead we spend our days scared that we may not survive.

But having them alone should simply be enough for me, and gratitude is a feeling that is quite unknown to me. I’ve spent most of my life focusing on how to stay alive, I’m not quite sure I can figure out how to live a life instead. I’m trying to be better, to improve for my little girl, working out, eating better, never smoking in front of her. And yet them bigger issues in myself elude me so, I need some help to find myself before I get too old.

Gratitude

What I’d Prefer…

Let’s talk about the life I’d rather lead, one where my family is happy and healthy. A life where I’m free from constant pain, where every single day doesn’t seem like a drain. A modicum of truth that we all must accept is that the only certainty to life is that it ends with our deaths. It’s morbid, most say, to think and live this way, but I think of it as simply being a realist.

I haven’t always been this jaded, it’s a result of decades of feeling unappreciated. I put so many others before myself, I forgot that I’m supposed to take care of myself. That’s one of the hardest things to do when there isn’t anything that can help fix you. The pain I feel now will only get worse, to the point where one day I’m unable to move. It’s sad for me to now admit that I’d rather die before that day hits.

A ray of sunshine used to shine light onto everything that’s ever been dark in my life, but I find myself lately trying to avoid it, afraid for anyone to see who I’ve turned into. I can’t help myself but feel ashamed that I’ve let the world make me this way, this isn’t who I wanna be, and I’m trying my best to get back to being me.

Prefer

Surrealism in Reality

Ever have something completely terrible happen to you? I’m talking the kinda shit that makes you wanna cease to exist, the stuff that makes you wish you were never born? I find those things happening to me more and more as life goes on, yet I’m still so taken aback, so surprised and overwhelmed, and I never know quite how to respond.

In these moments, I find myself feeling a sense of surrealism, wondering if it’s really my life, if it’s a nightmare, or if it’s even real at all. But it’s very much reality, life can be torturous and unfortunate and completely and totally unfair, but we must continue on our journey for those we love, for those who love us.

We can’t just give up every time life throws us a curveball, but we can cut ourselves some slack and allow ourselves a break to readjust and let the dust settle before we jump back in. We’ve been reprogrammed to believe and think and feel that crying means weakness, but in my humble opinion, it’s the exact opposite really.

If we deny ourselves the one thing our bodies are programmed to do when something awful happens, how can we truly heal our wounds? If we don’t let ourselves fall down, how will we ever learn to get back up again? And furthermore, what example is that setting for our children, the future generation that we’re raising?

Surreal

Fall Tones of Orange & Red

The leaves are falling from the trees,

They land on grass that’s barely green.

Our eyes observe the many changes,

Our bodies feel the wind is blazing.

The air is crisp and slightly cold,

Preparing us for the snow to come.

Beyond the falling leaves we see,

The animals begin to flee.

They gather food and dig their holes,

Preparing to hibernate through the cold.

The birds are flying through the sky,

They’re heading south in search of warmth.

If only I could follow them,

I’d leave this town until the cold ends.

Orange

Self-Sabotage Stephanie

Today I’ve decided to address one of my biggest pet peeves with myself. I’ve never really met anyone that was very much like me, in fact, it’s been difficult to identify with other people for most of my life. I’ve always struggled to figure out exactly who I am. I’m sure a good deal of us feel that way, but I feel as though I’ve had a harder time than most.

There are few things about myself that haven’t changed drastically over time, and they’re not all good. To put it simply, I have a tendency of fucking things up based on nothing more than fear. I allow it to consume me, and therefore control my decisions, actions, and reactions. The handful of times this has happened proved to be the most difficult moments of my life.

The most unforgivable of those events was discovering that one of my biggest fears was success. When you’ve never felt something so basic and pure as pride in yourself, success seems like a foreign country, totally unbeknownst and incredibly overwhelming. Harder yet was admitting to myself that I wasn’t scared of losing everything I had worked for, I was scared of change.

Things have been absolutely awful as of late, and yet as scary as it is, I know that after so long of feeling sadness, pain, sorrow, loneliness… that I feel completely at home here. Change is scary, but I no longer wish to be the girl setting herself up for failure, I’m ready to be the woman who’s open to change so that I may teach my daughter by example.

Identity

Outside the Box

Forget about the rights we have, we abuse them every day, and yet in the blink of an eye it can all be taken away. Around any corner could be awaiting your dismay, but on and on we go, pushing through the day. We put ourselves in boxes, categorize ourselves by race, gender, sexual preference, but it hardly does a thing that isn’t detrimental to our beings. You’re more than just a number, a signature on a form, don’t sign your life away just to be part of the norm. You do not have to be like them, with this I must implore, so take my hand and grab a friend and help me change the world.

What makes you unique can’t be defined by a book, you can search through all my knowledge, look in every nook, but still you cannot label me, for I’m far outside your box. To me this is a blessing, not being assigned to any flock, but to most I am an outcast, deeper than any black sheep am I cast. They tease and push, lash and brush by like I’m nothing, like I’m no one, but I am content being unlike the rest of you, for I will teach my daughter to live outside your boxes, too. I’ll show her that what makes her special is what sets herself apart from the rest of the world, scattered and burned, I’ll teach her to survive your world.

Trademark