I’ve never been whole but I can’t lose any more parts of who I am because I already don’t really even know who I am anymore. I don’t think my heart is but my mind is to the point where I can’t let myself show that to people anymore unless I’m sure they’re not just gonna break me.
I don’t know how many more times I can fall apart on my landing to rock bottom and put myself back together.
It feels like there’s too many missing pieces, there’s too many cracks, not on the surface but all the way down to the foundation. I’m scared to let people in, but when I need someone the most, there’s never anyone around who cares enough to try and help me break down these walls.
Good morning; start your day with a smile! Here’s a random comedic thought using humor to talk about my actual fears, seems to help me cope!
I’ll forever be terrified of the idea of cruise ships, how many horror stories have you seen in the last five years? Everything ranging from drunk captains to disappearing ships. I just don’t want my survival to ever depend on my ability to swim, because its practically nonexistent. And let me just say, there’s plenty of room on the door you’ll catch me floating by on for whoever I’m with to join me. Yes folks, that was indeed a stab at Rose from Titanic for being a selfish bitch. #JacksLifeMatters
Alone and abandoned, and barely hanging on; surviving instead of living, no matter how hard I try to leave the past behind me, forget it happened at all, so that I can finally be free, so I can finally move on. My life has just begun yet it seems that I’ve lived many, I can’t believe how long it’s been since the events that truly shaped me. There’s things I’ve seen you won’t believe, and so I’ll never tell you, but hear me now, I beg of you, that doesn’t mean they never happened. I’m jaded and I’m terrified, my life in flames before my eyes, and now I’m just convinced that I’m unable to exist inside this works, inside this cage, I’m tired of feeling rage. So if you think that you know me then you’re a fool for assuming that you know anything about me, let alone who I’ve become because you haven’t been around, I’ve been alone for quite some while but I’m accustomed to it now. I’m certain, yes I’m sure, that I’ll forever be alone because I’m through with being used and I will not just be abused so I won’t let anyone in, inside my walls is where I’ll live until my days come to an end, so farewell, so long, my friends.