Tag Archives: Lyrics

My First Audition

When I was 10/11 years old, I read in my local newspaper that a group of executives from a prominent record label in Nashville was coming to my area. It was simple really, fill out the required paperwork, pay the $50 fee, and bring a blank VHS tape if you’d like the performance to be recorded.

We had recently moved to a new area, and ever since I’d been struggling to feel like I fit in. So if cleaned up the house, acted as perfectly as possible, and pitched the idea to my mom. I honestly don’t know why she agreed, we were never close and not once did she feign even the slightest interest in anything I enjoyed.

When the day finally arrived, we picked up my only friend and headed to the hotel ballroom. My song choices were between Avril Lavigne’s “Complicated” and “My Immortal” by Evanescence. Both encased two different qualities in my voice that I thought sounded good, but ultimately I went with my girl Avril.

At last after hours of performances, they called me to the stage. While I was incredibly nervous, I’d also never felt more sure of anything before that moment. I remember wearing my white Adidas, the original old school ones, I stared them down so hard as the music began. I instantly regretted wearing khakis, like what was I thinking.

The video starts recording, and seconds after it begins, the sound guy can be heard asking my mom if she thinks that I’m actually gonna sing. Apparently my nerves weren’t as hidden as I had thought, and I would afterwards discover that I had sweated through my shirt and jacket, so I was drenched. But it didn’t affect my performance one bit, and I sang my little heart out.

I had a quiet start, but I finished strong, and the record execs actually expressed interest in me, but my mom couldn’t possibly allow me that much enjoyment out of life; in her words, I was lucky just to have gotten the experience. I’ll never forgive her for that moment, music is still to this day what I know I’m meant to do, and I tried so hard, but ultimately failed. I keep toying around with the idea of applying for the Voice, but I guess only time will tell.

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Chasing Sanity

Another song from my unfinished repertoire, I hope you all enjoy!

I wish my memories would disappear,
Like all the times you bailed on me.
They’re like the dreams that wake you
In the middle of the night.
The ones you wish you could forget
Are engraved deep inside my head.

(Pre-Chorus)
No one should ever have to see
The dreadful things that I have seen.

(Chorus)
I’m shattered & broken,
But the cracks let the light in.
I’m rough at the edges,
But with honest intentions.
Don’t pretend like you know
A thing about me.
Cause the thing about me is,
It’s never what it seems.

I’m tired of being gaslighted,
And I am tired of getting burned.
It feels like nothing goes right
In this messed up, lonely world.
Don’t look for me, I’m not around,
I’m over it, I’ve left that town.

(Pre-Chorus)
I won’t be back, so save your laughs,
I’ve left your scene, cruel & obscene.

(Chorus)
I’m shattered & broken,
But the cracks let the light in.
I’m rough at the edges,
But with honest intentions.
Don’t pretend like you know
A thing about me.
Cause the thing about me is,
It’s never what it seems.

(Bridge)
Like sad eyes on happy faces, you can’t see what’s inside, just what I show on the surface. And this song goes out to over thinkers, yeah and the silence seekers whose screams could deafen, if only you would listen. If only you would listen… Maybe then you’ll see a different side of me, that I keep underneath this mask to keep myself from bleeding out again.

(Chorus)
I’m shattered & broken,
But the cracks let the light in.
I’m rough at the edges,
But with honest intentions.
Don’t pretend like you know
A thing about me.
Cause the thing about me is,
It’s never what it seems.

Madness & Mayhem

Here’s one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written, hopefully recording soon!

I’ve spent more time in my life
Chasing an invisible light,
Than I ever have trying to feel alive
And I feel like I’ve been wasting my time.
Who knew what I’d become instead,
It’s not the life I thought I’d have.
I’m a shell of who I thought I’d be,
Not half the girl I ought to be.

(Chorus)
Set me on fire, watch me burn,
As the flames swallow me whole.
I lost myself so long ago,
Gave all I had, it’s never enough.

I just woke from that dream again,
The one where I swore I was dead.
Just think of what it meant to me
To feel like I was finally free.
I need a way to find some peace,
Before life brings out the worst in me.
There’s no point fighting gravity,
Rock bottom’s where I’m meant to be.

(Chorus)
Set me on fire, watch me burn,
As the flames swallow me whole.
I lost myself so long ago,
Gave all I had, it’s never enough.

(Bridge)
Madness, madness & mayhem,
I got caught up again,
Same old trend, I’d tell a friend,
But in the end, I’m all alone.
So now I, I gotta find myself,
Before I turn into someone else,
I think it might be too late,
Impossible to keep the faith.
I’ve lost all hope again,
I don’t want my life to end,
But I contend that I’m afraid
To face the cold on my own.

(Chorus)
Set me on fire, watch me burn,
As the flames swallow me whole.
I lost myself so long ago,
Gave all I had, it’s never enough.
It’s not enough.
I’ve had enough.

Without a Voice

I thought I’d spam you with a bunch of lyrics, poems, & miscellaneous writings since I’ve been MIA the last few months.

(Verse 1)

How could I ever understand?

Such an adolescent mind,

I couldn’t comprehend.

Left in the dark without a voice,

Not that I even had a choice,

Now I’m covered in remorse.

(Chorus)

You disregard the best of me,

Destroyed the image that I see.

But now I grieve for who I was,

Someone I could depend on.

My pain is not your platform,

And I won’t be your next disaster.

I’m afraid that you’re to blame

For making me turn out this way.

(Verse 2)

‘Cause it’s all your fault

And I’m done trying

To convince myself

That it was all really worth it.

I’ve been striving too hard

To be something I’m not

For someone who never

Even cared enough.

(Bridge)

How was I supposed to know?

And how was I supposed to know?

(Chorus)

You disregard the best of me,

Destroyed the image that I see.

But now I grieve for who I was,

Someone I could depend on.

My pain is not your platform,

And I won’t be your next disaster.

I’m afraid that you’re to blame

For making me turn out this way.

Dismay is Okay

I’ve been perfecting this song for quite some time now, hoping to record it soon.

(Verse 1)

Tell me where to go from here,

I’ve been trapped behind these walls

For all these years.

It’s getting harder now to figure out

Just where it all went wrong,

And I can’t help but think

That I was meant for something more.

(Chorus)

I don’t wanna be afraid

To take a chance, to make a change.

I don’t wanna go out this way,

I’m not the same with all this pain.

I don’t wanna live in dismay;

Don’t need more pain,

I’ve felt the flames.

I’ll survive again today,

Because despite my mistakes,

I have hope that

I’ll make it through the day.

(Verse 2)

Now what am I supposed to do,

Knowing everything I know,

Yet never what to feel?

It’s impossible for me to be

The best that I can be,

With all these dark clouds

Looming above, never leaving me.

(Chorus)

I don’t wanna be afraid

To take a chance, to make a change.

I don’t wanna go out this way,

I’m not the same with all this pain.

I don’t wanna live in dismay;

Don’t need more pain,

I’ve felt the flames.

I’ll survive again today,

Because despite my mistakes,

I have hope that

I’ll make it through the day.

(Bridge)

[There are thoughts inside my head

That I wish would disappear.

And there are things that I have seen

They’d make you glad that you’re not me.

So I appear as though I’m tough,

But love, I’ll never have enough.

But I’ll decide to think instead,

That I’ll be stronger in the end.]

(Chorus)

I don’t wanna be afraid

To take a chance, to make a change.

I don’t wanna go out this way,

I’m not the same with all this pain.

I don’t wanna live in dismay;

Don’t need more pain,

I’ve felt the flames.

I’ll survive again today,

Because despite my mistakes,

I have hope that

I’ll make it through the day.

I swear I’ll be okay.