Tag Archives: Risk

Self-Sabotage Stephanie

Today I’ve decided to address one of my biggest pet peeves with myself. I’ve never really met anyone that was very much like me, in fact, it’s been difficult to identify with other people for most of my life. I’ve always struggled to figure out exactly who I am. I’m sure a good deal of us feel that way, but I feel as though I’ve had a harder time than most.

There are few things about myself that haven’t changed drastically over time, and they’re not all good. To put it simply, I have a tendency of fucking things up based on nothing more than fear. I allow it to consume me, and therefore control my decisions, actions, and reactions. The handful of times this has happened proved to be the most difficult moments of my life.

The most unforgivable of those events was discovering that one of my biggest fears was success. When you’ve never felt something so basic and pure as pride in yourself, success seems like a foreign country, totally unbeknownst and incredibly overwhelming. Harder yet was admitting to myself that I wasn’t scared of losing everything I had worked for, I was scared of change.

Things have been absolutely awful as of late, and yet as scary as it is, I know that after so long of feeling sadness, pain, sorrow, loneliness… that I feel completely at home here. Change is scary, but I no longer wish to be the girl setting herself up for failure, I’m ready to be the woman who’s open to change so that I may teach my daughter by example.

Identity

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No Risk, No Reward

There’s always gonna be those days where nothing seems to go your way. You push and pull with all your might, but despite your attempts, nothing turns out right. You find yourself deep in the night, the silence takes away all fright and finally you can hear yourself, the words you’ve desperately tried to make out. There’s no shame in the loneliness, it isn’t all your fault, give yourself a break, sweetheart, for the best is yet to come. No one else can second guess the thoughts inside your head, try not to let them get to you, you’ll be better off in the end. Only you can express yourself best, just focus on that voice, don’t fight your thoughts, embrace the chaos, and accept yourself for who you are.

Risky